Karan

November 2026

Do I Have to Want to Grow?

I can improve and still never feel enough. Even “accept yourself and keep growing” can leave the same requirement attached.

Karan holds a mug while a hamster version of him lounges beside him in a wooden hamster wheel converted into a cushioned rocking chair.

I think self-improvement can become a hamster wheel.

There’s always a better version of me. And apparently I’m supposed to keep becoming him.

I don’t think I have to want that.

Because when am I ever enough?

I can improve. I can make progress. But if enough always belongs to the next version, the distance never closes. The person I am now is still the one who needs improving.

I don’t know how far that is from a form of self-hatred.

I’d quite like to be okay as an imperfect, flawed human being. We all are.

And I nearly said: be content as you are, and be happy to grow as well.

But why do I have to add the second part?

There’s no having to want to grow.

Maybe, once the pressure is gone, I naturally want to explore something. It’s exciting. It’s fun. I’m curious.

That seems quite possible.

If I want to grow, I want to grow. If I don’t want to grow, I don’t want to grow.

If I want to decline, I decline.

Whatever. Who gives a damn?

We’re all dead in the end anyway.